Dead Cow Gully 2025

Dead Cow Gully 2025 – Race Report

A couple of weeks ago a bunch of us Kiwis crossed the ditch to Ozzy to have a crack at the DCG Backyard Ultra. The organisers had invited runners from around the world to take a shot at the world record. With legends such as Jane ‘No-whine’ McAlpine, Sam ‘Hard-arse’ Harvey and Simon ‘The Cleaner’ McClean in attendance, I had to get in on the action and watch the Kiwi’s kick arse while having a go a beating my personal best.

The first day was easy running with plenty of interesting Ozzies to chat to, however I discovered the females tended to pack together in tight groups and weren’t very receptive to my New Zealand advances into their conversations. They were the cool girls- really good looking with rippling tan muscles and with bums as tight as your mother in-law is with money.

At one stage a bunch of these girls were running right behind me, laughing and joking and looking gorgeous. I was determined to have a conversation with them and to know what it felt like to be that cool. I tried infiltrating their ranks by laughing at a high pony-tailed girls joke about toileting during a race and realising this might be way in to impress them, quickly inserted my own running ‘poo story’.

Awkward silence…

Cue sounds of crickets chirping…

My poo story had failed; I actually can’t remember which poo story I shared (there are many) but it had something to do with bits of corn and possibly turtles. Definitely not cool. Note to oneself in future– Kiwi humour is not international humour.

The course was amazing, open plains, a meandering gully (no dead cows luckily, that’s me later), grassy trails and some singletrack to keep you awake. We were surrounded by grass paddocks full of killer snakes, poisonous spiders and massive gum trees packed with chattering birds. Some of the birds would swoop down and loudly laugh at you, correct me if I am wrong but these giggling birds were a set up from the Ozzies to wear down the Kiwi’s.

Being a female, the lack of bush made it a bit tricky to go for a wee. For one thing, there were snakes in the grass but even worse were the live action cameras which might accidentally broadcast my cadaver white bottom on YouTube. This was the only time in the world I wished that I was a guy; they just stood on the side of the track and ‘Bob’s your uncle’.

As we headed into the second day of running, I was in the hurt locker and didn’t think I could last much longer, my tent mate Josh ‘Oh my Gosh’ Hastie was feeling it too. My body felt like it was slowly squeezing through an old-fashioned mincer and my muscles were tightening up like my dad’s face when I 16 and told him I’d tried LSD.

Sally ‘Death-Valley’ Fitzgerald, my awesome crew buddy, would not be happy if I didn’t achieve my goal so for a long time, possibly hours, were spent fantasising about how to convince her it was time to pull the pin. Is it possible to fake a serious injury? Could I pretend to have a broken leg? Maybe a helicopter will winch down a handsome paramedic to rescue me?

I really wanted to beat my pb of 37 yards and run a lap in the chicken suit but there was no way that was going to happen. (I’m sure it was the Ozzie ladies’ fault. If they had let me in their circle of cool, I definitely would have made 100 yards!) I finally called it at 31 yards, 207 km. Time for a ‘sweem in a pewl’!!!

Cheers to Mountain Adventure, Fixx Nutrition and Fenix NZ for your support!!

 Thanks Sally ‘Death-Valley’ for your amazing crewing. Trish ‘Flying-Fish’ Hastie for helping out and Josh ‘Oh my Gosh’ Hastie - best team mate! Coach  Ali Pottenger/squadrun and Hisandherseventskits for our wee tent house.

Photography: Nancy Jayde Photography and Sally